we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
