Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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