Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
