Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
