I will die if light touches me.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
