Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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