Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
