whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
