let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
