with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
