u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
