She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love having hate sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
