He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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