he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
