i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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