I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
