Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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