so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dicks are not precious.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize