Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
