everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
