he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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