Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
