he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
