At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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