Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My bed smells like the plague
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
