It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Rumble strips road head = magical
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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