Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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