i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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