Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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