woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
