I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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