Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
