Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
