Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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