why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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