ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
