Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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