Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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