i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
