Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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