NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
