I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
