I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole