that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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