my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize