I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
