the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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