I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
