apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
