Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
