She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
