I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
