Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
whose parrot is this?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
