So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
