We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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