News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
