Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
