Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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