are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
