Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
