unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
