Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
