So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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