I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
