My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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