You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
