Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
