evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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