Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
