capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
