I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
