Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
