You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do herpes really smell.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
