getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The air was thick with penises
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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