Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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