Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
