My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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