you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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