am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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